bertthebadchicken

Bert says Hello and Rudy too :)

2012-01-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

HEY HUMAN !
Well good morning , Bert, wassup ?
GRUMBLE GRUMBLE......
Cabin fever Bert ?
YUP !
Are you bored Bert ?
MORE LIKE HEN PECKED :(
Look at all the pretty girls you can chase Bert :)
I'M OLD AND TIRED .....
Hey Bert, the other rooster can help you :)
HE'S A COPY CAT....
So he looks like you, crows like you, yells like you...
that's a good thing, right ?
NO NOT REALLY.
No, we are not packing his suitcase.
BUT HUMAN...HE'S A PITA ROOSTER.
Sorry Bert, he's your son, and we are keeping him.
SON ? YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT...
THUD !!!!

Hi DAD :)

Update to the predator in the hen house

2010-07-29T17:28:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems I posted before I had enough information.
Lucy is alive and well. It was her twin sister that we lost to the raccoon attacks.
And one young pullet also. The man human has now done in 4 raccoons, and 1 possum.

So Bert is happy that he can still sneak out over the fence and Lucy too :)

The hens were very happy tonite as the man human made their yard bigger which
now includes part of the garden next to their run. They know when the rototiller comes
through that there will be fresh dirt and all kinds of bugs for them to chase.
Happy little chickens :)

Sad day in the chicken house

2010-06-25T13:48:00.000-07:00

Today we cry with Bert.............
his buddy, his mate, his partner, died this morning due to a varmit in the chicken yard.
What we don't know yet, but we suspect a coon or a possum.
Lucy was one of 3 red hens that came here last April with Bert and his brother.
They had been dropped off at a farm as chicks and no one wanted them.
We took them in and rasied them.
Now how does one explain to a rooster that his best friend is gone.
He has been out looking for her in the human yard.
He knows he has other hens, but he knows he lost one.
His favorite.
RIP sweet little hen Lucy.

What's that peep peep noise ?

2010-04-01T03:50:00.000-07:00

WHAT'S THE MATTER, BERT ?
That noise....what is it ???
OH....THOSE ARE BABIES :)
What is a baby ???
YOUR BABIES, BERT......
My babies ?!?!?!?
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU...YOU'RE A DADDY ;)
What's a daddy ???
YOU BERT, YOU HAVE A FAMILY NOW.
What are you telling me ? I have to settle down ?
YUP :) AND EARN YOUR KEEP.
How many of them little peepers are in there btw ?
WELL THE COUNT IS 5 ......
hmmmm.....only 5 ......well I guess that is okay then........
I'M STARTING ANOTHER NEST IN A FEW DAYS .....
say what ?!?!?!? .......... thud !

Time to pack Henry's suitcase

2010-03-26T15:39:00.000-07:00

HEY BERT, WHAT"S THE MATTER ?
Grumble, grumble, grumble......
BERT, IT IS SPRINGTIME, LOTS OF SUNSHINE
Yeah, I know. You keep reminding me.
SO WHY ARE YOU POUTING, BERT ?
It's that Henry rooster. He's still here. I want him gone.
NOW BERT, HENRY IS A GOOD BOY.
Since when ????????
BERT, I FOUND TOMMY A NEW HOME.
Yes, he is gone, yay !
CAN"T YOU SHARE THE HENS, BERT ?
Nooooooooooo ......
BERT, LET ME THINK SOME MORE ABOUT THIS.
Okay....but while you are thinking, I'm finding him a suitcase.
And don't be keeping a close eye on me....
Plan is to knock the stuffings out of that boy......
He'll be packing his own bag.......
oops....gotta go....
I see Henry sneaking up on one of my girls.
.......................

It's nite nite time chickens.

2009-12-28T13:49:00.000-08:00

Well, must be I am the big boy in the room now .... I sit in the corner spot so I can see the door good. It's called the top roost. Usually Lucy sneaks in first and gets the spot I like. I try to be nice, so I sit next to her. I face the door . Lucy likes looking at the wall. I think she is a bit backwards sometimes. Oops........don't tell her I said that.

The other day, I was standing at the chicken door and would not let the other red rooster come in for the night. The lady human laughed at me, and told me to let Tommy come in. Wasn't my idea of a good time. He is a sneaky boy, always chasing my girls when he thinks I am not looking. The Henry rooster was already in the coop and acting innocent. His favorite look.

So when the sun starts to set, we chickens go to bed. When the sun comes up, we chickens climb off the roosts. Very simple.

The man human normally makes sure all is well and then shuts off the light for us.
He told me I can't play with the switch. He mumbled something about kid proofing it.
I don't understand him at times. I want to learn how to do new things.......

Little Red Hen in the nest box

2009-12-02T10:41:00.000-08:00

Okay Red, what are you doing ?

SITTING ON EGGS

Red, you can't stay in the nest box all day.

YES I CAN. I'M WORKING.

Red, you need to get up and get some food and water.

OH NO. I'M BUSY.

Red, you NEED to go outside for awhile.

I need to gather the eggs under you.

Okay Red, give em up !!

HUMAN, NO !

I WANNA BE A MOMMY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why are you on the roost at 7 am ?

2009-10-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, Bert, time to get moving for the day. Why are you still on the roost ?
*I'm scared *
Why are you scared, Bert ?
*The big guy. He is still in the coop, and will hurt me if I jump down. *
You can outrun him, Bert. You are faster and quicker than he is.
*That's your opinion, not mine*
What if we put the big guy outside. Then will you come down ?
*Maybe, let me think about it *
Okay, Bert, the big guy is outside now. Come down.
*Do I have to ?*
Yes you need to get moving for the day. Come down.
*Okay, Okay. Wait a minute, there is he outside the little door.
Can I use the human door ? *
Yes Bert, you can use the human door. What are you going to do
when winter gets here ?
* Not a problem. I am going to hibernate ...........*

No, this chicken was not on the grill..........

2009-09-25T10:46:00.000-07:00

What do you mean....where's the barbeque sauce ?!?!?!?

2009-09-22T16:48:00.001-07:00

Lucy and Bert

What's an old car in the garage ????

2009-09-22T14:40:00.000-07:00

" Oh, oh.....me thinks I am in trouble again....
here comes the lady human.....and she has this box in her hand. "
*BERT .....where are you ?!?!?!?! *

"Who is she looking for ? Me ? Can't be me....I been good....
well at least the last five minutes or so, I have been good. Real good,
as a matter of fact. "
So I stop so she can catch up with me...do my cute rooster dance....
and try to sing like Ernie used to...I am getting better, but can't hit them
high notes yet. Cock my head sideways at her, so she knows I am listening.

*Bert...have you been in the garage and near the old car ? *

"What's a car ? "

*You know, Bert....it's that big gold metal box with wheels. It sits
in the back corner of the garage. Lots of dust on it. The man human
has not cleaned it up in a long time. Have you been checking it out ? *

"Oh no ...not me.....I can't jump that high". ......
I can feel the sweat starting on my comb and wattles....
I hope she doesn't look too close at me.
I am trying to keep this innocent look on my face.

*Okay....when the man human gets home, I will show
him the 41 Ford street rod, and the chicken tracks across the hood ....
I took pictures , so I have evidence. .....You better start working on
your story, Bert *

" okay, human..... .........
how much you want for that little black box ???
I got a nice pile of pretty rocks out back............
wanna trade ?!!?!?!? "

..

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

2009-09-20T05:35:00.000-07:00

Because he wanted to get to the other side !
Now what kind of question is that to ask a rooster ???
The grass is greener on that side of the road.
I wanted to check it out.
And the man human was over there, so I thought if he can, so can I.
And of course, Lucy was with me, and we wandered over together.
I was so excited to have found new ground to check out.
Course he made me come back over to our lawn. Drats.
I thought I was in the clear. Little did I know.
Later in the day, the lady human caught up with me. Seems the man
human had told her where we had been.
Man did I get a scolding.
She told me if she caught me, I was going to get my wings clipped.
No more flying over the fence. And the yard would be smaller and
have a roof .
Guess that means I better be a good rooster. Sigh....
Okay........I will try.
Maybe they will forget about my wandering.
I can only hope...............

Cold and rainy .......Fall is here.

2009-09-18T12:21:00.000-07:00

It is getting colder and it is raining today.
The lady human told me I better get used to it. This is Fall.
The man human has been working more on our chicken house. It is now red
and has some trim on the corners. I wanted to help but I was told I was underfoot.
I made sure to stay close though and keep an eye on things. Lots of pounding with
the hammer.
The man human made our yard a lot bigger this morning. He fenced in the garden area.
He used a machine to turn the dirt over. I was real excited. I kept calling the hens over
to check out all the bugs and worms. Oh lots of yummies and treats.
The hens really enjoyed the fresh dirt. Two of them looked like they were in hog heaven.
They each dug big holes so they could fluff their feathers. They were throwing dirt all directions.
I was trying to stay out of their way.
I did hear the lady human telling the man human that we would be getting a new feed dish soon.
She said that it would be one of those hanging ones, so there would be more floor room.
The other big rooster is still here. I am getting so frustrated with him. He crows a lot. Loud.
And he likes to sit in the doorway of the chicken house. The humans have to move him down
the wood ramp and out into the yard.. Keep telling him not to be such a couch potato.
The lady human keeps telling us we are all going to have to earn our keep. The hens lay eggs.
She asked me what I was going to do. I told her that I am the funny guy. The comedian :)

Where did the human hide the hammer ?

2009-09-16T04:03:00.000-07:00

Just another day here, but you know me, I have to keep an eye on things.
Well the lady human she backs up to the garage in that big blue machine with 4 wheels.
I had to ask what it was and she said * it is a pickup truck, Bert*
Okay. Now she rarely backs into the driveway so I knew something was up. AGAIN.
So there I am checking it out. She is pulling these big long sticks off the back of the truck.
What are those I ask ?
*Oh, these are for the corners of your chicken house, Bert *
Okay........so off I go to find the hammer.
I know what it is because I have been watching the man human build my house. .
I know the human has this big red box. He says it his a tool box. Lots of shiny things in there.
So I fly up on the first level, and then up on the open box. Course he has stuff in the way, so I have
to do a bit of moving things around with my feet. That was my mistake.
The lady human spots me and comes over and next thing I know she picks me up and says
*okay Bert...you need to go back to the chicken house *
It WAS a good day....I got a hug from the human :)

What is that smoke smell in the air ?

2009-09-14T03:24:00.000-07:00

Hey human !
What is that smoke smell I keep smelling ?

She just looked at me and smiled and said....* for just being a rooster, you ask a lot of questions *

Yay yay , I know.......but WHAT is the smell ?!?!

* It comes from the outside wood furnace Bert.....we put wood logs in it to be burned and it is what heats our house and our hot water . See that big pile of wood there. It's our winter supply. And no you can't play king of the mountain on it *

Dang....... hmmm........wonder if there are bugs and worms under them there logs.........hey LUCY !
Come help me dig ! Oh boy oh boy.....yummy treats !!! Shhhhhh...be quiet Lucy.....we don't want company from them other chickens. This will be our private stash.....our stockpile.
Life is good :)

Hey ERNIE ........wait for me !

2009-09-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

It sure was a long day here today. The lady human spent quite a bit of time out in the chicken house.
She had all the hens on lockdown all morning. I was bummed out. No Lucy to take a walk with me.
I did go out on my own, but seemed so strange to be out all by myself.

Even Ernie had no answers for me why all the hens were locked up. The BIG GUY was in the coop though. Now how weird is that ??? The lady human stayed in there quite awhile too. About noon, she opened the door back up and let the girls out. It sure put a smile on my face to see Lucy again :) None of the hens could tell me what was going on. They did say after they laid their egg, that the human would say...*good chicken*

Then late this afternoon, the man human came out and put 7 of the big red hens in the coop. And then he put Ernie in there too and shut the door. I was out running around in the human yard, and did not know what was going on. The hens had to fill me in. I figured Ernie got a invite to a party. What a lucky bird he is !

Things were quiet for awhile, and then the lady human came out. There was 2 other strange people with her. I tried to get closer to see what was going on, but they had a cage in my way. Next thing I know, I see the strange humans leaving carrying this big crate. Very very strange.

Well after a bit, my humans came back out, and put all of us to bed. The lady human was saying....nite nite , chickens. I got the top roost tonite by the window. I could not find Lucy but the man human said she was in the corner with the BIG GUY......and his other two girlfriends. I am going to have to have a big talk with that chick come morning........

I did not see Ernie....and some of the hens are missing. The human said they got a new home. On a farm.
And the man wanted to buy more chickens in the spring. He hoped to have over 100 hens..........
wowsers.............hey ERNIE..............wait for me !!!

I was REALLY bad tonite.

2009-09-09T17:14:00.000-07:00

The man human got tired of babysitting us chickens to go nite nite in the new coop.
He starts the process and then goes in the house.
The lady human gets to finish it up now. Well Ernie and I like the top roost.
I got Lucy to sit next to me. So far so good. I ended up in the corner spot. Not bad.
But all the newbie kids keep trying to get on the top perch. Sorry no room.
So they got the second roost and the lady human made some of them go over to the nest box perches.

I bet she said my name at least 50 times tonite. I just could not settle down.
She turned me around twice. I was the bad boy in the corner.
You're in TIME OUT, she kept telling me. How would you like to be in a cage all nite, Bert ?!?!?

Well I kept pecking at the new kids on the second perch.
No way were they going to get on the top perch and bother Lucy and me. Sheesh.

Ernie he kept looking out the window on the other end of the top perch.
He only got scolded once when he decided Little Red looked REAL good.
The human stuffed him in the nest box, flipped the perch bar up, and told him to cool his jets.
He got back out in short order, went back on the perch and was pretending to look so innocent.

The human kept switching birds around. We were acting like a bunch of two year olds.
Then it happened.........I goofed big time.

I pecked the chicken below me again, and there was the human's hand in the way.
Ooooops.......
I got called a few more names. She said * okay, good night birds*
and shut the door behind her, and locked it....... Dang, it's dark in this coop. ............
gee, I hope she forgives me in the morning.....

.

Hey Ernie...... look what we got !

2009-09-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

Not sure what all is going on but Ernie is still here. I heard the humans saying something about Ernie going for a ride the other day. Dang bird is still here under my feet. Messing with my wimmin folks he is. Everytime I turn around, he is right behind me. Like a little shadow. I guess he thinks what I am doing is exciting.
All I want to do is my chicken dance for the ladies. I am good at it too :)

Well these 3 other humans showed up today and watched us all in the yard. They checked out our chicken coop too. Said things looked good. Then they left. Empty handed.

A short while later the lady human comes dragging this small cage in the yard with us.

She opened the door and out comes...............are you ready for this ?!?!??!?!

Four big red hens...........wowsers ! Don't know who was more excited....me or Ernie !

Then that Ernie went into his rooster dance..........man that guy is good....dropping his right wing to the ground, and dancing in circles. His feet were just a tap dancing. And funny noises coming from his throat. I think he was trying to sing. Man, how dumb is that !

But then again..........maybe I better keep an eye on him better.

Had no clue he had that in him. Wonder if he has been taking lessons somewhere ????

So I still have Ernie to contend with ......and four more lady friends.

I guess the human is going to keep me guessing. I better keep an eye on her too..........

So much for peace and quiet.........

2009-09-07T04:18:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday the man human moved the rest of the gang over to the new hen house.
It sure made it interesting running around the yard again with that BIG GUY. This yard is about 1/2 the size of the old yard. Still a lot of room, but the yard walls are higher. I still can escape but it's a bit harder. They been letting me out later in the afternoon though.

Well last evening, the humans watched us settle down for the night. I took top roost with a couple of my favorite hens. Little Red finally found her way to the top rung. The other evening she slept in the nest box. The BIG GUY can't do roosts thank goodness and he and the two big hens settled down in the corner. Ernie finally decided on the middle roost with some of the young buff orpingtons. I watched one of the young ones try to sit on the water dish top. It's a 5 gallon jug so has some size to it. It sure don't look like a perch to me. Silly chicken !

Rumor has it that Ernie maybe going for a ride sometime soon.....wonder what all that means !?!

What am I ?

2009-09-06T15:36:00.000-07:00

Well , I know I am a bad chicken .........

And I been told I am a rooster.
Not 100 % sure what all this stuff means but it sure beats being called "sunday dinner".

My human wants to know what breed of chicken I am. I think I am a cross something or other.

She was mumbling something about me, maybe being a sex link. Now that sure is confusing.

There is not much history on me. I think I came from one of those farm store spring chick sales. And then I am told, I got dropped off at a cow farm. Next thing I know I am in a cardboard box going for another ride, and I am up where I am now with a bunch of other chickens.

Well I been getting fed pretty good, so I guess I better not complain too much. And I do sneak out of the yard and chase bugs, butterflies, and other tasty tidbits most of the day. The other roosters have not fiqured it all out yet, thank goodness :)

Bert's Place aka the new hen house

2009-09-06T08:16:00.001-07:00

Well it appears I have a new house. I made the mistake of checking it out and the human told me I could visit for awhile. It's different. Has that new smell. And different stuff on the floor.
Human told me it's sawdust and not to eat it. Sheesh it smells so good though.

Well the younguns are a PITA but I guess it will all work out. The human told me when they get a little bigger that I will have lots of new girlfriends. Hey sounds good, right ?!!?

ERNIE he got left in the old pen. And that BIG GUY roooster is also over there. Oh well, oh so sad for them. Human told me not to cross my fingers, err I mean my toes, because Ernie might get moved over here with me. Guess I better go find a suitcase for him, and get it packed.
This henhouse is only big enough for one rooster. Me !

Human is not sure what to name it ....I like the sound of Bert's place myself............

Fall is just around the corner

2009-09-04T14:29:00.000-07:00

Well it's September here and the lady human was telling me to grow some more feathers as winter is coming and we need to get prepared for it. I told her I don't understand.She said that soon we would be getting snow falling from the sky. Okay, I had to ask,"What is snow ?" She tells me it is white, wet, and cold. I won't like my feet getting wet from it.I ask her about the big noisy thing I saw in the sky the other day. She tells me it's an airplance. That is a good thing, she says. I am not sure, because it sure was BIG and LOUD.Then I had to ask about that bad bird that was chasing me, the other day. She told me that was a HAWK. And I need to hide anytime I see one of them .....she told me if I was caught out in the open field......... RUN BERT RUN !

How did I get my name ?

2009-09-04T13:51:00.000-07:00

How did I get my name ?
That is a good question :) The man human told the lady human that he fiqured out a name for me and my brother. He said Bert and Ernie would be good names. Nothing exciting sorry to say.

Now the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad part.....
well let's see if I can explain that ............

I like to check things out, explore the world. That would be me :)
Today would be a good example. The lady human was bringing out treats this afternoon to the chicken yard, for me and my friends. I was keeping an eye on the man human. He was working on the new chicken coop. I checked it out earlier too........ hopped over that silly wood gate of his, and wandered around in the coop. Not too shabby. It's not real big, but it will do. I think :)
Well anyways the lady human is now getting close to where I am. I been pecking away at this orange plastic thingee. I can hear the man human making noise in the chicken coop. It's a funny noise. Next thing, I know....he is telling me " Bert, leave that cord alone, unless you want to be french fried " . Dang.....what is this electric thing they speak of ????
The lady human just laughed at me. She said.....*you're a baaaaaad chicken, Bert ! "

"I tell ya.......I'm innocent. And that's my story and I am sticking to it :) "